QUESTION

As much as my wife and I enjoy attending weddings, there is always some element of confusion as to whether or what we're going to be fed at the reception. We have two young daughters who are very picky eaters, and it would help considerably to know if we should feed them prior to going to the wedding or chance it and assume they'll be given a meal at the reception. The last wedding we went to started at 2:30pm, and at the reception, which started at 3:30pm, we were very disappointed to be served nothing but little tea sandwiches, petite fours and wedding cake. The children (and my wife and I) were ravenous (and cranky) by the time we left, at 5:30pm.

ADVICE

I'm so pleased to hear that you enjoy attending weddings, those who do make the most delightful guests. I must tell you, however, that with weddings, as in the rest of life, it's unwise to assume anything. I urge you; therefore, to examine your invitations and corresponding envelopes in order to ascertain whether or not your two young children have actually been invited to these weddings. With that in mind, I'll help you figure out what you'll be getting to eat.

A hostess is compelled to serve only two items at a reception, a drink with which to toast the bride and groom, and a cake. That doesn't mean I urge you to ward off impending crankiness by hitting the all-you-can-eat-buffet circuit prior to attending weddings. In addition to drink and cake, you can probably anticipate the following:

Morning and lunchtime weddings are usually followed by a wedding breakfast, at which you can look forward to being served what is roughly the equivalent of Sunday brunch. This may include anything from pastries, omelets or Belgian waffles, to poached salmon or steamship round of beef.

Late afternoon receptions correspond with tea, which is exactly what you described. No hostess wants to run the risk of serving anything more than "little tea sandwiches and petite fours" to guests who've already eaten lunch and have plans to go out (or home) to dinner after the reception.

Receptions that begin closer to the dinner hour will usually include much more substantial fare; a selection of heavy hors d'oeuvres, including some which may be hot. Wedding receptions that begin at or after 6:00pm will probably offer dinner, which could mean a full sit down or buffet style meal, in addition to pre-dinner hors d'oeuvres.

Think of it, in a few years, you and your wife will perhaps plan your own daughters' weddings. On those occasions, you may serve whatever you like, all the while attempting to meet the substantial challenge of pleasing every guest (perhaps even those who were not invited), in addition to working within a budget. Enough to make you lose your appetite, isn't it?

It's best to attend weddings because you have a sentimental interest in at least one of the persons getting married, not because you expect a great spread. This makes disappointment so much easier to handle: "PICKLED OKRA IN ASPIC? ALONG WITH SAUTÉD LAMB KIDNEYS? MY FAVORITE!" After having put such a brave face on the situation, you may then whisper to your wife, "There's a phone downstairs, I'll make dinner reservations." Bon appétit!

© Copyright Kim Shaw; all rights reserved.
Kim Shaw is the President of Moonlight & Magnolia - Exquisite Weddings and Special Events, located in Charlotte, NC.