Bridesmaid Going Broke
By Kim Shaw
QUESTION
One of my closest and dearest friends asked me to be her bridesmaid. I accepted
gladly. That was four months ago, the wedding is in three months. Since I signed
up for this, I've spent $680. The dress, "bridesmaidy" was $200, matching shoes,
$80, shower at my apartment, $150, plus a total of $250 in gifts for four other
showers. There are two more showers to go, and still, I haven't bought a wedding
gift. I know I'm going to get invited to these last two showers, how can I get
out of going? As far as the wedding gift goes, I want to give her something
really personal, not just a place setting, but I feel something personal is
going to cost more, and frankly, I'm just about going broke over this wedding.
I'm single, only one year out of college and I don't have the money for this,
period.
ADVICE
Going broke over a wedding is a venerable tradition, usually reserved for the
bride's family. This custom has nothing to recommend it, so I advise against
your attempting to throw your hat into the ring by continuing to spend sixty
two dollars and fifty cents every time someone decides to "shower" the bride
with gifts. As for the six hundred and eighty bucks you've already shelled out
for the honor of being bridesmaid, the money's gone and you'll never see it
again. Don't dwell on it, or EVER let the recipient of your generosity get the
even slightest whiff of your exasperation.
Let's instead, focus on the two remaining showers, plus the wedding gift. The
key here is to pace yourself so that, theoretically, you'll have more in your
pocket at the reception than cab fare home. Your closest and dearest friend
is likely to catch on if you go making up an excuse not to go to these last
two showers. Unless you have a really credible justification not to, (faking
your own death/illness will cost you as much as a shower gift) you really should
attend.
I do, however, urge you to be more conservative in your gift giving. This, (take
heed all those involved in attending or planning weddings) needs not to be confused
with the unfortunate concept of being "cheap". Twenty dollars is plenty of money
to spend on a wedding shower gift, but, if you have your eye on a present costing
three times as much, pool your resources with two other people. I imagine that
you will find others on the shower guest list with your budget or similar. You
may certainly give your friend something "really personal" as a wedding gift,
just as long as it's something both she and the groom will be able to enjoy.
I can't imagine, though, why a gift full of sentiment would necessarily cost
more than one bought to satisfy a request..
In closing, I'm happy to reveal that, etiquette, in its mercy, has given you
a full year from the wedding date to produce a gift. At your rate of $680 every
four months, you should, in a year, be able to spend $2,040 on a wedding gift.
But, who's counting?
© Copyright Kim Shaw; all rights reserved.
Kim Shaw is the President of Moonlight & Magnolia - Exquisite Weddings and Special Events, located in Charlotte, NC.
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