Our Guest List is a Shambles
By Kim Shaw
QUESTION
I'm getting married in two weeks, and our guest list is
a shambles. It's probably too late for us, but could you tell me how to handle
this anyway? It might help someone else avoid the same mistake. When my fiancé
and I made up our guest list, we assumed that all our single friends would bring
a date, so we addressed the envelope "so and so and guest". We had one friend
in particular who had cheated on his ex-girlfriend (of many years) with his
current girlfriend. His ex was invited with an "and guest" invitation, but we
sent his invitation without the "and guest" part. Now my fiancé tells me that
this guy has called him and asked if he can bring the current girlfriend while
his ex has responded for herself and no date. Aside from that situation, people
keep responding "yes" without indicating if they're bringing a date or not.
It's playing havoc with our count, which is due to the caterer the Monday before
our wedding.
ADVICE
Your guest list is a shambles because you never made one properly to begin with.
Unmarried couples who share the same home should be sent one invitation addressed
to both parties. People who are a recognized couple (sometimes referred to as
having been "dating forever") or who are engaged, but do not share the same
home, should be sent separate invitations. Single people should not feel obligated
to round up a date for your wedding and should not be sent invitations that
imply they ought to. Part of the fun of going to a wedding "stag" is the possibility
of meeting other singles there.
One should be able to recognize these eligible people as the ones attending
without wedding rings/engagement rings/dates. This doesn't really work when
all your "single" people attend with token dates who are likely to be "just
friends" but are indistinguishable from "real dates". When people RSVP to an
"and guest" invitation without indicating whether or not they're brining a date,
it is because, at the time of response, they don't have one but they're hopeful
that they'll be able to rustle one up in time. I recommend, therefore, that
you increase your count to reflect 50% of the "undecideds" will bring a date.
This is how you should handle the ex girlfriend/new girlfriend situation. You
were quite within your rights to exclude the current girlfriend. The problem
here is that the gentleman in question is not astute enough to realize your
intentional slight. The answer to his question is: "I'm so sorry you won't be
able to bring her, you see, we've received (insert appropriate numbers) 150
"yes" responses and the room can only hold 145. So you understand, it's just
impossible to include any more guests." This will enable the cuckolded ex girlfriend
to show up in a fabulous new dress and spend the entire reception flirting with
single gentlemen while the cheating ex boyfriend mopes about solo- this will
provide all guests "in the know" with hours of entertainment and endless speculation.
This sort of good clean fun should be encouraged at weddings, not only is it
in better taste than chatty MCs, but it's considerably cheaper.
© Copyright Kim Shaw; all rights reserved.
Kim Shaw is the President of Moonlight & Magnolia - Exquisite Weddings and Special Events, located in Charlotte, NC.
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